Don't grow old together, grow young together ♥

If the sky would fall, would you stand by me
In the worst of it all, would you answer me ♥

I'm writing this in Telluride, CO. sitting next to the fire in my lodge, all by myself, and it's super romantic. ♥
I have "HOME" playing on repeat because its the best song ever written and no one should ever settle for a love less than what it describes ;) at midnight this year im simply kissing dreams, and it'll be just as stellar as if i were kissing a dream boy :) hey, ive got some big handsome muscular dreams haha. and they tend to open doors for me too ;)
The past 4 years my goals are about like this: 
1 - be more fit /check
2 - go backpacking in another country / double check
3 - attend "good" acting classes /semi-check
4 - land a role in a feature film /semi-check
5 - raise over $10k for those in poverty /semi-check, raised about $7k
6 - know God /can that ever really be checked?
7 - go to 50 auditions /check! :)
8 - ride an elephant /check, although this following year it MUST be in S.E. Asia!
9 - be happy. daily reality checks. /quadruple check!!
my last new years eve blog had the same list, if you read that by chance, haha. the only thing i would add is a #10 - find an awesome agent/representation for acting :)
I think I did more this year than any other year. But my feeling about this next year is overwhelmingly hopeful. It's pounding in my heart and pulsing in my veins. can.not.wait.
a never be the same kind of year. ♥

I want to climb you like a mountain, not
to conquer you..  but to share in the view ♥

Are you two from Hollywood?!?

even tonight, i know, will be a never be the same kind of new years eve. one to remember. 
Im in Telluride,CO. A place I may have lived in another life, it seems so much like "home" to me. but home is where ever there is....... you?? 

The only way to be happy, is to love.
Otherwise your life passes you by

There isn't a mc donalds in sight or a phone in a single hand (except mine, haha). there are prayer flags everywhere, yoga mats in hands, and most importantly... smiles in eyes and lights on faces. the gorgeous people are happy here, the sense of community is oustanding... and i'll be back ♥
I'm here with my great friend Tom, we've done some amazing hikes/skiing/you name it. Our conversations are always so intense and mind-bamboozling, its as if i read a book a day, haha! Im very undeserving of the blessing of being here. It's the perfect way to start out my BEST YEAR YET. ♥ I'm even excited for the year after that already. ♥

snow

angel

Jeez, this December went out with a bang.
I started it "home" in LA, then went to Rwanda to feed some villages, then Chicago to shoot with PB and speak to young adults, then to Austin to celebrate my birthday and reunite with some amazing people I didn't even think I would see ever again (one being the first boy i ever made out with, haha) then here to Colorado to be surrounded by beauty.


and in 2011 all together - 
i studied yoga/meditation/thai massage/acrobatics in an ashram in Brazil then ended the trip at Carnaval (so yogi of me, tisk tisk ;) )
I landed a DREAM job in MMA with bellator, such a fan ♥
stayed at the Playboy mansion in the summer, playing with monkeys, having brunch with Hef and falling in love with the kitchen staff
Was published in Playboy, italian maxim, espn mag and fight 
moved to Hollywood Hills 

was on tmz a few times with my favorite Mercedes (the girl, not the car)
interviewed on fox sports which aired 10 times :) 
attended the espys and the MMA awards - 2 favorite memories 
was in ernie halters first music video
played charades with Neil Armstrong (im pretty good at singing myself to the moon ;) )
met over 20 of my favorite actors
and I learned what it was like to fly like tink while simply laying in a bed of conversation ♥


and 2012 is going to go by even faster. the most important thing, is that on new years eve next year - i still have the mentality of looking back at anything in the year, no matter how it turned out, and saying "wow... im blessed! ♥" because that is ALL that matters, keeping that mentality. who the heck knows whats in store, who the heck knows if ill be alive... but im going to make the most of it in the meantime as i throw all worries in the air and run around smiling from ear to ear. (run with me)




i often have bad dreams (while sleeping..my dreams while im awake rock) and i almost rather not even dream at all. in fact, if i can remember, i pray that i dont dream. i dont like waking up with a hurt heart. but im working on understanding this instead. being in Telluride is like a really weird dream. its serendipitous. if Tom hadn't arrived here years ago, we would have never even become friends. and here we are. if i hadnt met a man in ocean beach san diego 2 years ago, i wouldnt have moved to LA, started modeling, even landed my job with bellator, have the friends i have, or even be driving the car im driving. that man i met once in a beach town that lives in a van... literally changed my life forever, and especially changed every detail of this year. and he doesnt even know it. isnt that crazy? one little occurence. and we have them daily with out even knowing it. sometimes we influence people for the positive/negative and it changes everything for them from that point forward. remember tho, it can be positive or negative. so be a light ;)
we stopped at a coffee shop on the way here (Tom is constantly putting caffeine in my hands, even tho he hates the addiction...he still is understanding with me. haha) we met a girl there that had a smile that matched the light she saw in our eyes and as always, me and Tom got into an amazing conversation with her. this happened with Martin Sheen and Shirley Maclaine at a Christmas party we went to. its magic, these conversations that radiate love and compassion. im always taking notes, haha. that girl from the coffee shop later emailed us this :
"It was awesome meeting you today! I had no idea you guys were so well known because of how humble, and giving you were. It makes me so happy to see people who have so much, and share it with others...

Your video was incredible, and it touched my heart. It really made me question why I couldn't do something to help, or why I haven't. I really would like to help, or do something to help others. I find myself being selfish at times, and I think I need to open my mind to this world, even if there are so many horrible things going on. I would love to help with Invisible Children, or just anything that can humble me like you've been humbled.

My dream is to use my talents to help others. I am a singer/songwriter, and I know one day, I can use this to help others. I am liberated when I know my lyrics have been felt by another's soul...much like your movie was felt by mine. 

I just appreciate your beautiful souls! It was such a blessing to meet you two, and it just blows my mind how life places us in so many different learning situations.

We have met for a reason!"

serendipitous. thats the word that would describe 2011 for me. and its exactly how it ended. my sayings this year besides "trust the process" and "its all about purrrspective" were 2 sanskrit sayings - "om ma ni padme hum" and "lokah samastah sukinoh bahvantu"

which in english translates "behold the power of the lotus flower" (for it rises from muddy swamps and blossoms into a beautiful creation) and "ALL beings everywhere should be happy and FREE" :)

if it werent for my career i would have tattooed these things on me, haha. but i draw lotus flowers everywhere and tonight (on the last night of the year!) as we left a restaurant someone handed me a prayer flag... guess what it said? "om ma ni padme hum" you know why? because as my last blog said... i just got out of a muddy swamp... and 2012 is about to blossom into the most beautiful year of my life ♥ im ready for whatever beautiful creation will be blossomed :) bring it on 2012 ♥

                       

This shouts in my heart at the silver of the moon :) :

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

♥
never has something been so in tune with my heart and soul. nice to meet you 2012, its going to be an amazing adventure