the questions got pretty personal
he asked why i seemed sad...that made me kind of sad, i dont want to seem sad.
he asked alot of questions about my shoots, good and bad...
he asked questions that made me question who i am and what i do...he asked about my height
he asked who i was closest to....i didnt have an answer. am i close to anyone? i'd say my best friend scott and my mom maybe....but i also feel unknown. does anyone really know me? my ex did, but i wouldnt be alive if i stayed with him. i run, i know. and this dis-association crap that takes control of me in conflict makes it hard to get too close to anyone, especially a boyfriend.
i guess this is safe?
he asked what its like to feel so beautiful. if i thought as a child that i would grow up to be a beautiful woman? who the hell said i feel beautiful? i dont photograph because i feel beautiful. im really quite confused when i get good bookings. i dont think you have to be pretty to photograph though, i think you just have to have something that is a different. everyone is looking for something. i dont ever look at a picture that i love and think, wow i look awesome. i look at a picture and think, wow thats a really cool shot, the way the hair is falling, the lines and shadows on the body, the expression and mood. thats artistic. especially in polaroids. <3
there are a few girls at home, that do not shoot, and i wonder...what is it like to wake up and look in the mirror and be that damn purdy?
i was pretty upset with my self when i left mc donalds last night....
i ran in to get a quick dinner - a yogurt.
i waited in line 35 minutes, and it was like a festival in there, a bunch of kids on tricycles barefoot, 3 year olds in diapers with pacifiers. single moms splitting one happy meal with their kids.
here i was in line pissed that i was having to wait so dang long for a measly dollar menu yogurt. i rolled my eyes as i pulled out my laptop and answered emails as i stood there. what an American i've become. i remember in Uganda walking over 45 minutes thru a jungle to find some jack fruit or chapati. in 110 degree heat. then getting to a stand, to see a child of the jungle living off those sugar cane plants with out any undies on and barely a shirt. and here i am 7 months later tapping my impatient foot at mc d's with my mac book in hand.
SO i've decided to start this blog because of how many people i meet traveling, stories from photographers and models that boggle my mind. i wont use names, and i hope not to offend anybody. especially the uptight and perfect. that starts tomorrow.
|-To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.-|