Friday, February 25, 2011

If anyone deserves your love my friend, it's YOU ♥

LOVE is what i gotttt,
i said remember that ;)
Sometimes what you need to tell others, is what you need to hear most. I've learned this while at Enchanted Mountain learning to teach yoga. So true in all aspects. The week I get back from here I am getting home on a monday, have to be in laredo on thursday, shreveport on friday, and ny on sunday. "travel sized model" to a T... and i love it  
I will be home for 3 nights, and savoring every moment of it. while home I am shooting 1 day with an amazing amazing photographer and there will be publication, i am ecstatic. I am also doing an interview on love advice one of those days, that pays really well....and then while in NY i have been requested to co-host a radio show where i will again, be giving out love advice. i find this almost comical, because i dont feel the best at relationships at all haha, as i'm sure you know, but i do have a rather large purrrspective on the subject. i get a lot of messages from girls asking one of two things: either how to get started modeling, or about love. yesterday i received a message that asked three questions on the subject: how do you love yourself, how do you feel deserving of love, and how do you love back? i dont know if i know the answer to any of those questions, i do however have very much to say on each subject...
i think the issue on loving yourself can only be solved with listing the things that you dont love about yourself. (altho most would probably say the opposite) then, once you have that list ask yourself why you dont love those things. because everything about you is that way for a reason, a beautiful reason. even if it causes harm right now. the perspective of these things is what needs to change. every part of you that you dislike can be changed, but really, i think you should just turn it into art. embrace it. lean into it to make you a deeper woman or man of compassion and emotion. (of course this is different if we are speaking of addictions or something, but in this blog im talking about your inner emotions, thoughts, your personality of course)
we first learn love from our parents. if their love wasnt made obvious to us as children, then we always struggle with love, until we learn to deal with it differently. we all have an inner child, that is still seeking that which we as children lacked. security, love, affirmation, protection, nurture. we grow into adults and then search for that thing that we lacked only by clinging to things that give us more of a need for it because we are used to that whole inside us being there. 
in the past (and sometimes in the present when i slip because we all do), i tend to cling to guys that make me feel unwanted, since i felt unwanted as a although my inner child craves security and love, i keep the craving going by clinging to things i dont need because its such a deep insecurity. it becomes our personal drug. but once we realize what "our inner child" needs, we have found the root of the issue, and we can give OURSELVES the love we need. 
this helps us realize triggers too. what triggers us to act a certain way in conflict. (i've wrote blogs about my disassociation in the midst of conflict) 
the larger issue here, is realizing that you already have all the love you need.
you're going to think im weird, but sometimes you just have to tell yourself that you love yourself, and that you will never leave yourself. it sounds weird, how can you leave yourself?? but that is the point. you will always have your love. and that is all you need.
if we look for that in someone else we will just be that needy girl or guy, making that person our drug, craving it and going thru withdrawals when they dont give over the attention we think we need. 
we get rejected by someone we love, and we think we are not worth loving. but if you are not the flag they wish to wave, leave them with their people. because you darling, are a catch. just because you feel like a pebble in one persons shoe, doesnt mean that you are not a diamond to somebody else. everyone is a catch to someone. and one day im sure, that person of your past will realize how much he or she loves you. and guess what? you will be laying next to the person who already knew. and you will feel like that diamond. so just keep shining cupcake. :)
you have to love YOURSELF. you have to embrace even the dark parts of yourself that you think people would run away from. im an open book i know and have no secrets. (as you can see from these blogs, and ive been told by many not to write them, and im sure this is wise) but this is all i know to do. 
this is a piece of my art. a piece of my heart.
NOTHING is guaranteed, except your own love for yourself. 
this makes it hard for us to share our secrets and our dark side. but this is what makes us beautiful. we have to love that side of us. share it. make it into a story.
love is tough. but all you can do is work on loving yourself, and let the other 2 fall closely behind. and let go of your fears.
send love and light to those that have hurt you, and then believe in love again. ♥
one smart monkey :) 
come up with a mantra to say, like mine, but fit for you. and take 5 deep breathes before and after you say it. i know it sounds cheesy but it works. ♥ always come back to your breathe. be grateful that you have it. the mind can get so crazy. calm yourself with your breathe. ♥
and really do some soul searching to find the ROOT of the issues. if you dont find the root and you just look for the "feeling fixer" all the issues will come back again. weeds always come back anyhow, yes? as we can see from our over-medicated country. and when you find those roots, deal with them. i had to forgive my parents, realizing that they only hurt me because they were hurt. my dad did drugs not because he didnt love me, it was because he was trying to take away his own pain. my mom wasnt the way she was because she didnt love me enough, she truly just wanted to ease her pain. and now, she is the best mom in the world i think. we have to picture them as children, being hurt by their parents too. just wanting love. they sometimes dont know how to be parents because no one taught them, ya know. every one is scared. every one just wants to ease their pain and be happy. we are never alone. 
besides, the happy hardly worth your while ;)
and when we do find our match, safety and love just warms us, and we feel like we belong in their arms. its not forced, and it's not made into our drug. but we feel made for that spot, right there in their arms.
and always do what you love in the process of learning to love yourself ♥ 
write. paint. play the xylophone. lay under the sun and count all the beautiful things you see. climb that tree. lay in the shade with your favorite book. swing your hips to those beautiful blues on the east side. express yourself in a way that makes you love those dark parts, and you'll inspire others to along the way ♥
you are who you are. love it. and dont you dare hide it. 
these quotes are amazing to meditate on:
"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought, there are so many people in the world; there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true, I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you."
Frida Kahlo  

I have a woman’s body and a child’s emotions.
Elizabeth Taylor

The world is full of ridiculous, crazy people. The only way to deal is to be even crazier & more ridiculous.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people that are reckless with yours.

Life is too damn short and fucked up to go through it silently loving someone and never telling them how you feel. Fuck the consequences, fuck the implications of the actions, to hell with it all… whatever happens as a result is better than the nothingness that is inevitable with silence.
Janis Joplin (via moonsiren)

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb
a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.


  1. hey check out songs/poems written by me ^_^

  2. sometimes you just have to tell yourself that you love yourself, and that you will never leave yourself. it sounds weird, how can you leave yourself?? but that is the point. you will always have your love. and that is all you need....

    WOW!!! just loved those lines